by Noah Cicero

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The man thrown in the river the night earlier comes out of the water. His face is white and ugly. He is obviously dead.

He is the preacher that was starting shit around town.

Preacher Elmer he was called.

A white Baptist bastard.

He wanted a certain places of ill repute closed down. Not because he cared. But because it is currently in style for a Baptist to want such things.

Preacher Elmer had lived a stupid life.

He lived with a fat woman who never had sex with him.

Had two kids he constantly beat.

Drove an SUV. He always told people, “I love my SUV. Mount Kilimanjaro doesn’t have any snow, I’m sure the liberal devil took it away. “

He would spend his nights masturbating to women being fucked by horses. He never mentioned that.

He also considered all black, Hispanic, homosexuals and poor people disgusting atrocious monsters that were created by the devil to serve satanic crap he made up in his head as he spoke.

And he spoke a lot. Because he loved to hear it.

One day he spoke for over two hours on how unions were killing God and allowing the devil to sneak up people’s bowels. At the end of the sermon he concluded that unions are causing an inevitably nuclear war which would kill the daily beaten Christian children.

Preacher Elmer has returned from the dead.

He is unsure what happened to him. But he convinced that God has done it.

That God, has brought Preacher Elmer back from the dead because he the greatest preacher on the earth. And the most righteous man that has lived since Jesus.

He was convinced of that.

He didn’t think zombie or undead or horrible virus. But resurrection.

Preacher Elmer had a bad mixture. Extreme mental illness mixed with extreme stupidity.

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