< V >

Nosferatu is walking down the street.

He feels okay.

He stops to look at a garbage can. He realizes the garbage can will never be his friend and cannot help him. So he wanders away.

There is nobody on the street.

Nosferatu hears footsteps creeping behind him. He thinks, “There is a human trying to be stealthy.”

Nosferatu turns around quickly-

There stands a medium sized man holding a wooden spear.

The man says, “I've come for you Nosferatu, you have been alive for thousands of years, but now you will die.”

“This is making me nervous.”

“I'm going to kill you, I'm a trained vampire hunter.”

“You're ruining my night.”

“You need to take this seriously, soon you will be dead.”

“Will you be my friend, I'm lonely.”

“No, I won't be your friend. I've sworn to kill your kind.”

“You're racist.”

“I'm not racist.”

“Yes, you are. You are killing vampires for being vampires, that is racism.”

“No, it isn't. You're all blood thirsty monsters who kill people.”

“That's racial stereotyping.”

“Listen asshole, I'm better than you because I'm human.”

“I don't care what you think you are.”

“You should.”

“I should what?”

“Care what I think?”

“Why would I care what you think, you're a fucking racist,” says Nosferatu.

“Listen vampire shithead, your days are done.”

“My days are awesome.”

“What the hell is wrong with you, take this serious!”


Nosferatu pulls out a gun and shoots the man in the belly.

The man falls.

The man begins bitching, “You shot me asshole, I was supposed to kill you. That was unfair, you used a gun. You're supposed to use your vampire powers. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Nosferatu looks down at the man and then softly kicks him in the belly where he got shot and says, “Soon, you'll be dead. But your body will remain here on the sidewalk. Someone will come along and find you and call all their friends about the dramatic night they had.”

Nosferatu walks away.