I am a bear. Life is boring. Let me go eat some men. Let me roast a few of them over an open pit at the campground. Let me spread some thick sauce over their stomachs and scribble insignificant words into their flesh: fast, here, I, go, down. What if I walked around naked in the forest? I'm a bear. They would kill me with one shot to the head. But what if I wore a bullet proof vest? I have claws and I can eat many men at one time. I saw some men at the grocery store today and they ran away and I was alone and so then I destroyed their car with the pocketknife I keep hidden in my fur. Let me go scratch my paw on a tree. Let me go eat the insides of a twenty-three year old male gymnast. Last night I cried. Last night I screamed quietly under a tree. Some men walked up and asked what was wrong and I felt embarrassed and a little sad but grateful that someone wanted to hear my sad story but they looked good so I ate them anyway and then I thought, "Oh, no; Oh god, Oh my god. I've eaten the last two men on Earth. There are none left. What will I do with myself if there are no men to stalk and hunt and kill with my bare teeth?" But then a fish in the stream told me that those were not the last two men on Earth and so I felt better. Then I climbed a tree and sat there singing quietly to myself. Sometimes I want to go to the mall and chase all the men who are standing in Victoria's Secret awkwardly holding purses. I want to claw them. I want to ride the escalator holding their bodies proudly over my head shouting: I am a bear! I have claws! I have sharp teeth! I would like to claw and chase the security guards who try and coax me quietly off the escalator with their raw steaks. The fish from the river will appear in the food court and talk me into letting the men go. Then I will eat the fish. I will scream and cry and throw the sunglass kiosk from the second floor and smash the Valentine's display. I'll walk into the parking lot and chase a large man and then hug him and cry. I will walk into a house at night and push the woman off the bed and then I'll stare at the man thinking about how much I'd like to eat him.

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